I woke up coughing, it broke the sound of midnight.
Honey, lemon and hot water didn’t calm it.
I thought I was dying; it was so hard.
My throat was like the chimney of a gypsum-klin.
It gave off noisy puffs of nasty fluid.
I thought I was dying; it was so frantic.
In front of me paraded my friends,
and a pale-faced woman,
With her hands, beckoned me.
The cough increased its speed, its frequency.
Me, in pajamas, sat down on the sofa.
Nobody there to hit on my back.
Nobody there to cry if I died.
When I thought about it all
I didn’t recognize myself.
Did I choose the life I was living?
Or did I become careless?
Like a tide, the cough remitted gradually
it left behind some tears and broken ashtrays.
And a preoccupation that crystallized
the next night.
Let yourself be carried by the night,
get in by the gates of The Mysterious House,
set on fire the garments of the thoughtless ones
that fortified faiths
and undervalued your gauge,
undervalued your gauge,
they scorned your gauge,
they scorned your gauge.
Let yourself be carried by the dark,
let it in your ears, let it in your eyes,
wrap your print with an unreal haze,
and don’t feel the dizziness
of being so lone, being so lone,
being so lone, being so lone.
Let yourself be carried by heartbeats,
Then your bias will melt with its heat,
You’ll have found at last the needed key
and around you, all will be so so so so free,so so so so free, so so so so free, so so so
free.
Let yourself be carried by the urge,
Don’t believe a word coming from the ones
that wear their shoes just as clean as a
hot trickle of gold,
for they’re coming for us,
they’re coming for us,
they’re coming for us,
They’re coming for us.
Let yourself be carried by heartbeats,
Then your bias will melt with its heat,
You’ll have found at last the needed key
and around you, all will be so so so so free,
so so so so free, so so so so free, so so so
so free.
I’m afraid each time I cough, I can’t breathe.
I put my hands around my throat and then I feel
A mixture between peace and pain I can’t explain,
When I push the bump, I feel it moves.
If it were a cancer, it should be still,
So, what is it?
I explore the shape, I touch it with my fingertips
Slowly passing over it with care,
I close my eyes to see what’s laying there.
Images come to my head,
As clear as real:
The cocoon, the larva,
The ovoid tissue of dirty silk.
How have I developed something like this?
Immediately, I’m sure it’s going to end with me.
Love reaction, sacrifice, gift of life,
I take the larva in and I sharpen my knife.
Don’t worry, you’ve always thought
That you’re much more than flesh and bones.
So do it, don’t you wait for
The end that another one wrote.
Images come to my head,
As clear as real:
The cocoon, the larva,
The ovoid tissue of dirty silk.
I’ve always thought that I was better than the rest,
I got this conclusion by marking crosses on a test.
They can’t stand being alone, the way I love to be,
They need to embrace each other as a way to escape from their fears.
When the times of celebration come, they’re exaggeratedly weak,
They desperately look for another, and so they get their peak.
But one of the biggest clues, one of the clearest signs
Is the way they shine up to me, and I feel it by…
By their faces, their words, and their eyes and their thoughts,
They are shining up to me.
By their lies, and their smiles, and their shakings and doubts,
They are shining up to me.
By the way they arrive, and the way they say bye,
They are shining up to me.
And I watch them from my high watchtower,
They’re so wrong.
When I was younger, it was better than it’s now
As I have grown, I’ve felt much lonely somehow,
But though some skills have changed, others still subsist,
One is the ability to see they’re shining up to me,
By their faces, their words, and their eyes and their thoughts,
They are shining up to me.
By their lies, and their smiles, and their shaking and doubts,
They are shining up to me.
By the way they arrive, and the way they say bye,
They are shining up to me.
And I watch them from my high watchtower,
They’re so wrong.
Oh, and I feel they’re coming,
I can smell their perfume,
And the wristlet’s spark just around the corner.
We went out for a walk.
You yearned for fish and chips,
You looked so pretty, chewing slowly,
with your shiny lips.
The old man in his shack
Kept a boat for us,
I rowed through the park’s lake
Until we reached the other side.
Once we were in the shore
I scratched our names over the oak
And I run my fingers over your nose
Of silky skin.
You knew so much about life,
Just like a candle in the dark
With your breath, you whispered me
The path I had to draw.
But the village became smaller
And the park became older,
The oars were all rusty
And your dress was full of holes.
I recognized long ago
That I had never been strong,
I left your arms without a word
In search of gold.
I took my spade, my pick,
The sieve to pick up golden seeds,
And with the train smoke
And the blink I left your bliss.
I took my spade, my pick,
The sieve to pick up golden seeds,
And with the train smoke
And the blink I left your bliss.
I told the clock I will see you tomorrow
But I had drunk and eaten seafood by the bucketload
With a certain sense of guilt against myself
But an incredible ability to go wrong.
Somewhere in the night, I had a nightmare,
I dreamt I had a larva in the throat,
The larva was quickly developing
Obstructing breathing like a rock on the road.
Sometimes, before it happened to me,
Such a truthful dream that you can’t tell from real,
Coughing in bed or in the hospital,
Coughing in my life or in my dream.
I can see the larva, it’s repeating:
Boy, it’s sure: you will not last.
And I want to wake up from this nightmare,
I’m sorry for what I drank and what I ate,
I’d change my thoughtless acts if I were able,
Please take me to the moment before this,
Take me to the moment before this.
I chose the life I am living
But I can’t remember the day I did.
The day I put on my earflaps,
The day I bought the goddamned patch.
I’ve got a box of empty bottles
And a garage full of used cars.
Some pictures from the highest mountains,
And a bag of diamonds under a tile.
I’ve been trying to be completely free,
But in my look of freedom, I got my chain,
The sentence I have not been able
To read until I was in jail.
I’ve been so wrong, baby,
As an untameable horse,
Who fled from his owner
To go from bad to worse,
And showing off about freedom
He suffered hunger and cold
But when he repented,
There was no way back home.
I’ve come to hate my hate,
To loathe the disgust I’ve felt to date.
I’ve come to spit on me,
To erase my prints from my old ways,
From my old days.
I’ve come to shun my scorn,
To dread the bitterness I’ve known.
I’ve come to scorn my morn,
To wipe the traces of my ancient scar,
From my bygone days.
What is it, I’m getting bored of the loathing I’ve become,
All the greed that was a mask, all the weariness to love,
And the time has come to change and show how good I am inside,
But I’m afraid it is too late to do anything but die.
I’ve talked from the subsoil,
And all I keep is what I spoil,
There is no light,
There is no warmth,
There’s only me where I’m writing from.
And I’ve come to hate my hate, and hate myself and hate my life
For this damned metaloathing is such a sticky disguise
That now that I am dying to take it off, it doesn’t come out,
If at least they didn’t bury me with it I’d breathe for a while.
Metaloathing.
Flowers.
Evil.
Notes.
Subsoil.
I’m moving to the oasis
Where water is copious and fresh,
And wherever you plant a seed
You get the harvest that you need,
Where lives the one that’s blessed.
The recurrent estuary
Of a friendly atmosphere
Is going to receive a soul,
Prepare my hut: here I come
With just a few little hopes.
I hope I find, there, someone like you,
As sweet as you, clever like you,
In times, stupid like you, ugly like you, precious like you.
I want there to be grapefruit,
And I hope they bring me hopes.
And I include in my request not to commit the same mistakes
That once and twice and three times deformed my face.
The track is very enlightened
And I wear no kind of clothes.
I0t is not warm but it’s not cold,
In fact, I feel nothing at all,
In fact, I don’t exist.
So it’s got to be easier to find someone like you,
smily like you, prudent like you,
Often imperfect like you,
exactly like you,
But not you.