Official release. Deemed definitive. Abandoned work.

Studio Recording. Second-to-last version, with ideas and flaws

Grizzly Crossing Studio solo recording. Second-to-last version, with ideas and flaws

Cheap/old studio demo. Decent recording

Home demo. Only for hardcore adventurers

album-art

00:00

LYRICS

They are arriving, augurating devastation

To enlarge the worrying hole

That is the homesickness of nostalgic ones.

They, destructors of illusion,

With terrible and basic arguments.

 

It was steady what it was pure luck,

Like any blast, it ends,

They say it ensured and disappointed:

It’s the death of mankind,

Preceded by changes it approaches.

 

Quiet and hopeful they found him

Embracing his dreams he couldn’t sleep

Some of those explained him

The cruel illness he suffered,

To tie him to the circle of resigned ones.

 

Those who cannot cry.

Today comes to the basis of my statue,

Where leans on the why of my acts

The doubt wrapped in utter darkness

And I’m scared of its disguise.

I want to change this mask that’s dying,

I want to change it for something alike

To cover the forms of the night,

To hide the awful pain.

 

So intense, is double the flavor of sorrow

When it comes from far, when it’s descried.

I never felt it so close though it was living near.

 

They called me terrible and simple,

And I believed the justification

And I used to use it to lie,

And I used to lie frequently.

Egotism goes on, now I can’t stand it.

The doubt enlightens in my view:

My pain…I just take care of myself.

Yes, I’m lost, yes, I’m selfish!

I’ll have the silence in the mouth,

I will hide in caverns of loneliness

And there won’t be a soul that tells me:

“Hello, game of her fantasy”.

I remember you laying among the sheets of the motel,

When misery wrapped up our restlessness,

And the rain idolized so much innocence.

When by long missed paths of sights you rested

From the weight of your skin.

 

I remember you laying among the sheets of the motel,

You said it was the most beautiful thing your eyes had ever seen,

And I denied it though I was alright, it was just to tell you something

It was just to tell you something,

We were so young….

 

And so scary was the weakness, ev’rything seemed to be broken,

And unsteady as the same sky that threw tones of the water over

The ceiling as night was going on.

 

Just from this moment I remember your lips

Talking about eternities that passed, yet passed…

And props that are always at the end, and the very end

All what there’s between a young boy and a young girl.

 

And I remember you many nights,

You laying among the sheets of the motel,

And I close the door and my eyes,

After kissing my children and my wife,

Your young body is moving among the sheets of the motel.

I look around and, if that’s all, I don’t want to be here,

If that’s the only light that lights up this room

I’ll resist the boredom of the road

Running, hoping that it be short.

 

I run out all the wells that I found

I spent many lives and I guess I will,

Sank in fragrances and perfumes of the fields

Where never a rose has been half as beautiful as a bunch.

 

Let time spin around nothing,

If we are dust then I will be a stone.

Lining the fragile raincoat

Midnight became my gown.

 

There is a fountain drying

Where one day I’ll leave my clothes,

But I warranted myself

this hour will be late enough.

I made my love’s own concept

And practiced it with many,

Few people really understand me.

 

And when the voices told me:

“No, boy, you are wrong”

then I told the voices:

“No, voices, you are wrong”.

There is a hidden dawn in ev’ry night.

And there’s a hidden bye in ev’ry hello.

 

But as long as stars be there shining

I’ll love’em all,

I’ll love’em all.

 

I’ve always looked for beauty

In ev’ry little corner,

In ev’ry shopwindow of the street.

But life is always the same,

for riches and for poor…

the truth is that is boring.

 

Now leaves are falling

And here, and lone, and old,

Thinking ‘bout all the honeys I tasted

I repass the definitions, ‘cause I feel somewhere I went wrong.

How could I annul these words?

 

Lili, Lili, Lili,

At last, I say your name

And as it falls, a tear falls, too.

 

In a field of roses,

The first one I looked at,

I had so much, but I kept nothing.

 

Oh, what a beauty searcher,

I didn’t saw you when

Youth made me wait for more.

 

I’ve always looked for beauty,

But I skipped over it,

Oh, where are you, where are you now?

As the rain

began to fade

and the water over the lawn

formed poots

We were sure

we had seen a shadow

In the rain.

 

And it was

The shadow of a bird.

 

Here, so apart

From the world

And the trees,

With no place

To rest

Or sleep.

 

In this lack

And austerity

We live.

 

Even here,

Even here there are birds.

Watch us from far, hand by hand,

On the other side of the hill

Our feet disappear.

 

Still and calmed the red sky

Like in a long truce of time.

 

Twilights and nights

After the dawns.

Nothing to know,

Slow, slow.

 

You, silent storm of sweet flash,

You, who undressed questions in the dark.

 

I choose you to share this dream so quiet,

With no place to go,

Slow, slow.

 

No need to harmonize this perfect freedom,

All has been given with trees and shrubs.

 

And all our movements are like in space,

Carved your face,

Slow, slow.

And all our movements are like in space,

Carved your face,

Slow, slow.

Well, I heard that this concept wasn’t true,

I heard that it was false,

That reality never yield space

To eternity at all,

And were so many the times

That at the end

I fell in love

Of its cheap scent.

 

I became the bitter of ev’ry talk,

The stain when all is white,

With people talking about me

Behind my back.

And I was admired by empty men.

 

Yes, you can say that I had followers

That believed in me more than myself,

That pulled me up to the clouds,

As the leader that they needed then,

And the vertigo excited me,

So I built two wings to fly.

 

And I used to shout to hear my own voice,

To crush whispers, to annul the doubts.

I never had too much

And I delayed ev’ry break:

Nobody can stop someone

That’s running so fast.

 

Terrible things happened that were my doctrine,

My predictions, saviors, received praises,

I was high.

My bitterness was growing up,

As I was getting right.

My prognosis deep, black, dark.

 

But yesterday I left the house and,

Standing at the lawn, over the hills I saw the moon

When she was going down,

And the sun was appearing among its loyal curtains blue,

Red and yellow.

 

And I felt the tears rooting out wildly

The bile of my prophecies,

They were just an external cape,

Then I began to run,

I was looking for people

To begin an eternal circle that made

My internal circle die.

Hoping it last

‘till the end of time.

 

She said: “The only thing that I want from a lover

Is that always stay the same,

That don’t go changing with the wind,

Just the way you changed.

But we are not machines, we go wrong and we forgive…”

 

And she stayed that night

Making things greater.

I was so small against her, over her shoulder I cried.

And I felt the shame,

With no word to change my mind,

I was guilty for all the time

I had left her behind.

And when she took my hand,

I saw she was a giant.

 

I’ve been walking by a strange land,

With strange plants in the dark,

I got lost far from her bright white light,

Lost far from her beautiful eyes.

Oh, were have I been all these days?

There’s nothing like her lips.

Oh, healer wind, come from far,

Come to root out her roots from my dreams.

If her glance flies away from my eyes,

If happiness won’t arrive by her side.

 

Oh, cryptic future looking us from apart,

Mocking our union as you want.

Something should come to execute it,

And, like fire, be nothing again.

 

We, who discovered the poetry

Though we had no kind of map,

Making teaching become needs,

Just like the children just like the children.

 

Someone moved the ground under our feet

Or is it an earthquake that makes all tremble?

I’d promise I’ve not changed,

I’d promise I’m the same.

 

Who, tell me who turned on the light?

I was sure there, in the dark,

I felt strong in the leafy forest,

Just like a small bird, just like a small bird.

 

It’s easier to get used to lack

That losing treasures of precious remembrance.

I’ll find a word to name the moments of glory

When two hopes together can be confused.

 

Let’s fly to the secret unknown place

Where are sleeping the perfect loves,

So eternal that never existed,

They are just wishes,

Just like the wishes.

See us recovering the poetry

Doing the silly things we born for.

Your naked body among the fresh blankets

And a truck passes, and enlightens your smile.

 

We were recovering the poetry,

With the feeling to be mending the mistakes.

Close your eyes ‘cause yesterday is here,

Just like in a dream,

Just like in a dream.

I got used to

I got used to breathe.

I made obvious the privilege.

I felt myself creditor,

Creditor of my right.

The long habit became vulgar.

It never failed, it returned fast.

The window close by my side.

The next cure wasn’t impossible,

Air didn’t make the curve of my smile.

It’s not discovered by hazard,

I thought I was so right

That now that it’s gone in this corner,

Agonizing,

I claim to breathe.

Author's Comments

One day, in 1995 or 1996, I came across a huge batch of poems in Spanish that I had written many years earlier, around 1990. I selected a few of them, translated them (very clumsily) into English, and set them to music. I recorded it in a studio with Diego Güiz. It’s a very intimate album, and the title comes straight from the process itself: recovering the poetry.